Princes are Now Preparing
by UnendingEmpire
Summary: A humorous one-shot about Toyosatomimi no Miko. With Hopeless Masquerade on the horizon, a sudden realization puts the Crown Prince of Taoism into a frenzy. She has to outshine Byakuren before the full release! With only seven days, how well does she fare? Expect angry Taoist princes, ridiculous ideas from said princes, and complete obliteration of the fourth wall.


**It's a goofy one-shot about one of my favorite final bosses as of Hopeless Masquerade. I actually wrote it the day after the full release, but was unsure about releasing it until now. I like to depict a Miko who has lots of determination, but is sort of bratty, lol. There were lots of scenes added and removed from this one-shot before it became the final product, but now that I've uploaded this, I kind of wish I'd kept the original ending ^_^;**

**I hope you enjoy this silly story as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

* * *

**May 19****th****, 2013 (outside world calendars), Dream Palace Mausoleum…**

"Futo!"

"Yes, Crown Prince!" People were getting excited in the Human Village, because of the exact opposite supposedly happening. In seven days, something new would finally happen.

"We have one week. I trust you've gone through with the proper preparations?"

"Of course, Crown Prince. My spell cards have been modified for the new release, and I am ready to face off against the Buddhists when the time comes."

"Good. I'm prepared as well." Mostly. There was still one thing that bugged her. "Tell me something. Why are they more popular?"

"What?"

"**I said they're more popular**," Miko shouted, almost shaking the room around her a little by sheer force. "Why is that!? Here I am - Prince Shoutoku himself-"

"Herself."

"_Futo_…"

"Understood," The saint's right-hand girl squeaked, letting Toyosatomimi go on about her problems.

"Prince Shoutoku himself, and yet _Byakuren_ is more popular with the outside world! Just how many people in Gensokyo are actually bona fide historical figures, really? As far as I can tell, there's just me. So why?" Looking at a picture of the Buddhist leader Miko had put up for when she needed something to yell at, the Taoist started observing every detail. "Come to think of it…there are others, too."

"Begging pardon?"

"Other final bosses! What do they all have that I don't, Futo!? How will I win if I can't even win the hearts of the outside world!?" Miko was filled with regret now for deciding to go with a system that boosted her attack depending on popularity. "Go get pictures of all of them. We need to have a thorough investigation into this matter."

* * *

**Three hours later…**

"I've brought the pictures!"

"Set them along the wall," Toyosatomimi said, still scornfully staring at the one of Byakuren. There was something she was missing that the others had, and the Crown Prince had seven days to figure it out and resolve the issue. As Futo started putting up one picture after the next, Miko paid close attention. First were the angel of death and the astral knight. The evil spirit, then the outside world scientist. Then there was the flower youkai, the goddess of Makai, the vampire…the cast Miko had to compare herself to wasn't a small one. "Let's start from the top," Miko said. Stepping up to a table near the pictures, the Crown Prince picked up a yardstick and observed their details. "What do they all have that I don't? Let's see…"

_This will end poorly_, Futo told herself. _I can just tell._

"A-ha!" _SKIK!_ The end of the yardstick hit the picture nearest her - that of a blue-clad ghost - in a most interesting place. Her chest. "That's it! Breasts!"

"Please tell me you don't plan to enhance your breasts…"

"I do! I'll show all those big-chested airheads! Ha-ha-ha-hah!" With that triumphant laugh echoing in the room, Toyosatomimi stepped out of the room, carrying her laugh with her. This was Plan A to enhance her popularity in time for Hopeless Masquerade. Breast pads. If it didn't work, she'd try something else. Miko wasn't giving up.

* * *

**Girls are now locating pads…**

* * *

"Ha-hah! Tell me what you think," Miko said, standing proudly at the doors of the Dream Palace Mausoleum…well, "standing" was a bit off the mark. The most accurate term for her posture would be "trying not to fall face-first on the floor."

"Crown Prince, isn't this a bit…excessive? Even if you're trying to outdo Byakuren, you should at least try to make it look natural, right?" Indeed, the amount of padding on Miko's chest was pretty excessive. When your chest and head are the same size, it's time to reconsider your options. It looked like it was hard to balance just on the sheer amount of padding she was using. "Where did you get so much, anyway?"

"I asked around. There is a maid in the vampire's mansion who knows the finest pad vendors."

"I see…"

"Time to test it out!" With that, Miko turned, took her first triumphant steps down the stairs of her mausoleum, and-

"F-Futo!" _CRASH! THUD! THUMP! CLATTER! So on…_

"…" And proceeded to fall over because she couldn't see the steps beneath her, thanks to her pads.

* * *

**May 20****th****…**

"It was a foolish idea, to be perfectly blunt," one Seiga Kaku added into the conversation pertaining to Toyosatomimi's slip-and-fall mishap.

"Last time I trust that jiang shi," the saint bitterly seethed, completely dodging any kind of blame she could take on. The picture of Yuyuko on the wall had been taken down. Or, more accurately, slashed beyond recognition by Toyosatomimi when she got back to her mausoleum. "What else does this lot have in common, ladies?" They were all youkai? While that was a given, Toyosatomimi was dedicated to exterminating every single last one. Becoming one was out of the question (even if she technically was already a youkai.)

"We could try something less chesty," Futo suggested. "For instance…their outfits."

"Really?"

"Yes," Futo said, stepping up to the pictures. "Now that I look, some of the most popular people depicted here - including Byakuren - wear capes."

"…that's just foolish," Toyosatomimi scoffed. "You don't win popularity with a silly cape. It has to be something else…" If only she could hear the desires of people beyond Gensokyo's border. Winning this would be a piece of cake if she could. "A-ha!" Grabbing the yardstick again, with an even louder sound, the end of it collided with a picture of a hell raven. "It's the hair!"

"Hair?"

"Look at their hair! Nobody depicted here has their hair up like I do! That has to be it!" Laughing a laugh that bordered on maniacal as she raced out of the room, Miko started thinking about how she could work with her hair while it was down. Maybe tie it back into a ponytail, too? The Lunarian doctor did that too, so it was probably a step in the right direction. Plan B: New hairdo.

* * *

**Girls are now doing hair…**

* * *

"Finished!" Stepping out of her personal chamber, Miko looked happily at the two followers that were helping her figure out her popularity problem. "How does it look?"

"…Crown Prince," Futo started, trying to think of any way to say her piece without sounding rude. "…who styled your hair in the past, again?"

"You did. Why?"

"Well, i-it, um…you see…"

"It sucks," Seiga bluntly exclaimed. "You should let Futo-"

_Shhhhhhhhhhhh-ING!_ In Miko's left hand was the sheath of her prized sword. In her right, the sword itself. The Crown Prince herself did not look pleased in the least. "Would you care to repeat that for me, Seiga?"

"Let Futo do it. You obviously haven't done your own hair-"

"**I'LL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU!**"

_Please let this be over soon,_ Futo told herself. _I cannot endure five more days of this._

* * *

**May 21****st****…**

"We're running out of time," Miko said, looking at the pictures again. The picture of Utsuho Reiuji was slashed beyond recognition. "There has to be something I'm missing here. What _IS_ it!?" Looking at the picture and gripping her yardstick almost tight enough to snap it in two, Miko's eyes kept darting from one depicted final boss to the next. "What on earth do they all have in common, Futo!? I'm running low on ideas over here!"

"I still say capes."

"No capes! This isn't a Saturday morning cartoon, for crying out loud. It's Touhou, and when it's Touhou, capes are no-go."

"If you insist…" Futo still liked the idea of capes. Byakuren wore a cape. Utsuho wore a cape. Even the ghost on the far-left end of the row of pictures wore a cape. Given that said ghost was nowhere to be seen for several years now, it stood to reason that capes may have helped at least a little. But if Miko didn't want to, there was nothing forcing her to.

"I really want to know what it is…"

"Why not ask Byakuren?"

"!"

"She'd know, right? Isn't she the very person you're trying to outdo?" And logic strikes again. If you're trying to one-up somebody, figure out what they do that makes everybody like them. That and that alone was at least a big step in helping Miko complete her quest of popularity.

"Genius!" With that, Miko grabbed her sword and other essentials, and started making her way out of the mausoleum. "And you're coming too! Just in case somebody decides to get violent in there."

_In case YOU decide to get violent, you mean. What am I, another hitbox?_

* * *

**Myouren Temple…**

"Five days remain~" Byakuren looked pleased as punch. "And Ichirin, I must say I adore the work you've had done on your outfit."

"You're making me blush," the gatekeeper said, not actually doing quite what she said she was doing. "It's really just a couple of things getting added is all. Really."

"And I hear you're joining us too, Mamizou?"

_Chug, chug, chug…GULP._ "Yeah," Mamizou drunkenly beamed. "So that's three of us, and one Shinto, and…I dunno, maybe two Taoists. We've got 'em on the run, ladies!" Looking into her gourd, Mamizou said "Sometimes I wish I could _live_ in here…" _KHOOF!_ In an explosion-like cloud of smoke, Mamizou was seemingly gone. In reality, she was just changing her form to something small enough to fit inside her gourd. Only time to make dreams come true is the present, after all.

_SLAM!_ "**Byakuren Hijiri!**" Pointing a finger straight at the Buddhist leader, Miko shouted "**I've come for your secrets!**"

"Oh? Let's discuss it over in the center of the temple, where it's more private."

"…y-yes, of course."

* * *

**Girls are now walking…**

* * *

"So what exactly is it you wanted?" Shutting the sliding door behind her, Byakuren took a seat on the green tatami flooring. "My secrets?"

"Yes!" Leaping up off her own seat, Miko pointed straight at Byakuren again and said "For some odd reason, you're more popular than I am! I demand to know why!"

"I always thought these were the reason," Byakuren said, pointing straight at her chest. "But then I looked again, and those vampire sisters are very popular as well, and they have hardly any chest at all."

"I tried that too. It didn't work."

"My hair?"

"Did that as well. It didn't quite work."

"Maybe…oh! Perhaps because I'm the sister of a famous religious figure?"

"…Byakuren," Miko said, looking about ready to start chopping heads. "Did you forget who I am? _PRINCE SHOUTOKU?_ If religious figures were anything to do with it, I'd far outshine you."

"Why are you so determined to be more popular than me, anyway?"

"Well…" Was it okay to share her plan with Byakuren? That by winning the hearts of millions, her unique gameplay mechanic would make her far more powerful than anybody else could hope to be?

…

What was the worst that could happen? "My gameplay mechanic in the upcoming release is the reason. When I have a higher popularity, I get stronger. Inversely, being less popular will make me weaker."

"I see…" And just like that, Byakuren had her answer ready. "Capes."

"Don't be ridiculous! Capes have nothing to do with it!"

"I'm telling you, it's the cape. If you really want to win popularity, invest in a cape." With that, Byakuren got up to her feet and left Miko to her own thoughts.

_A cape, huh? I suppose it might work…_

* * *

**May 25****th****…**

"Futo!"

"Yes, Crown Pri-**INCE!**" Futo froze mid-sentence at the sight before her eyes. Toyosatomimi no Miko, on top of her usual outfit, had acquired a deep violet cape. With dragons on it, even. "Th-That's…"

"Speechless? It _is_ a fine cape, isn't it? Let me show you the best part of it!" Stepping outside and looking for the first crowd of people available, Miko took in a deep breath. She was promised that this cape was even better than it looked, and now was the time to test it out. The moment she saw her crowd of choice - about a dozen human men sharing beers - Miko shouted "**Your attention, please!**"

…

No response. Miko's purple cape remained the same. Nothing looked different.

"U-Um, Crown Prince? Are you sure that-"

"**HEY!**" That got their attention. All eyes were set on Toyosatomimi no Miko, and with it, her purple cape changed to a color more resembling orange. "Thank you. You can return to what you were doing now." With their attention gone, her cape turned back to purple. Then, turning to Futo, Miko seemingly glowed with joy and pride. "It's magnificent, yes?"

"…I don't even know what to say," Futo said, faking a smile over pure dread and exasperation. "Surely, this will help us defeat the Buddhists."

"That's the spirit!"

* * *

**May 26****th****…**

"It's finally time," Miko said, almost bursting with excitement. The breeze today did a great job at billowing her cape in the wind, and it sure helped catch the attention of the people nearby watching. Included in the crowd were plenty of humans, two oni, and even a half-youkai shopkeep specializing in outside world items. The eyes set on her more than sufficed to change the color of her fabulous cape. Already, she was certain that-

_Purple'd._

"W-What?" Looking at her cape again, Miko shook it a little. Did it break? No. When her eyes returned to the road ahead of her, she saw Byakuren once more. Her cape was gone. Sleeves, gone. Dress shortened. Straw hat on her head. "…"

"Enjoying your cape~?"

* * *

**Inb4Timeskippersaysitfeltrushed**

**I had to cover seven days in one chapter, so it's bound to feel that way. The original ending I mentioned in the beginning featured some dialogue after Byakuren's troll line between Miko and Futo, and ended with the former storming off, red and huffing mad. The image of that kind of Miko is highly amusing, but I really did try hard to make a sort of bratty Crown Prince-tan.**

**On an unrelated note, needsmoarMegadeth**


End file.
